You probably want to say, “No” when your kid wants more dessert or extra screen time, but a pediatrician explains why you should just say, “Yes.”
“If you say, ‘No, no, no’ and then eventually say, ‘Yes,’ kids learn that sometimes ‘no’ means ‘yes,’” Dr. Nika Douvikas, a pediatrician in New Jersey, tells TODAY.com.
As Douvikas, whose children are 2, 4, 6, shared in a TikTok video: “Give in to your kids right away. Say yes, right away. I know, I know — it sounds crazy, but let me explain.”
“When you’re having an ‘off’ day or you’re just overstimulated or overtired and your kid asks you for something that maybe isn’t that big of a deal ... like a snack or screen time, or whatever it may be, just yes immediately,” Douvikas said in the video.
She added, “Because if you say, ‘No’ and you know deep down that if they give you a hard time — they start screaming, they start crying — and you’re not in the right mindset to follow through ... and on the 10th or 20th time, you agree and say yes” — that’s when kids learn that with enough complaining, parents will cave.
“It’s going to be much worse off for you for future scenarios,” said Douvikas.
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Parents should not bend over safety issues and personal values, but when it comes to “the little things” and when parents don’t have the heart to follow through, said Douvikas, “It’s OK to say yes to an extra 30 minutes of screen time or an extra piece of chocolate if it means improving your mental health for that day ... so that you don’t make your life harder in the future.”
“And when you do say, ‘No,’” added Douvikas, “follow through, no matter how hard it is.”
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The power of saying yes
Douvikas tells TODAY.com there are two ways that parents can say, “Yes.”
If the ask is minor (a few extra minutes of screen time), you could say, “Yes” with no strings attached, aside from a promise to close the tablet at an agreed-upon time.
Or, add a contingency such as, “You can have extra screen time now, but later in the day, we’ll watch a little less TV,” says Douvikas. Whatever deal is struck, she adds, “make sure kids are paying attention” to the rules.
If children later forget or ask to bend the rules, remind them of your pact. “They may get angry, but parents should still follow through,” says Douvikas.
It’s good for kids to participate in these discussions.
“You want kids to negotiate and not assume that people in authority are always right,” says Douvikas, adding, “With my own kids, we negotiate back and forth until we come up with a deal ... and make the decision together.”
This story first appeared on TODAY.com. More from TODAY:
