‘I lost my childhood': Church abuse victims face lifetime of trauma

Behind every court document in a new wave of lawsuits hitting the Catholic church is a tragic human story. 

Those stories are coming out across the state in the thousands, since a 2019 law opened a three-year window for child sex abuse victims to file new civil lawsuits, no matter when the alleged abuse occurred. 

NBC Bay Area has interviewed dozens of new accusers and reviewed hundreds of recent lawsuits. Addiction, isolation, depression and jail are all common themes in the lives of those who say they suffered abuse.

For one such woman, who asked NBC Bay Area to keep her name confidential, it took her own paralysis to interrupt that vicious cycle.

“I lost my childhood,” Jane Doe said. “I never had one. It molded me for what I was for  the rest of my life.”

She was just a sixth grade student at a San Jose Catholic school when she says her life began spiraling out of control. It all started with a teacher.

“I was very good friends with his cousin, so it gave us the opportunity for him to interact with us outside of school.”

Jane said trips to a local beach soon progressed into an inappropriate relationship that would last years.

“I was 11 or 12, and I believe he was about 14 years older than me,” Jane said. “There was touching, kissing, inappropriate touching that led all the way up to everything. Everything was on the table.”

Jane says the abuse went on for years, until she was 17 and started life after high school. Now, 65, she looks back and is haunted.

“I was 12, what do I know about sex and feelings?” Jane said. “It’s abuse. He took advantage of my innocence.”

Jane can’t yet publicly name the teacher in her lawsuit until a judge signs off. But he’s still alive, and recently retired from a long teaching career at a South Bay Catholic prep school.

The Archdiocese of San Francisco ran Jane’s school during the time of her alleged abuse. In a statement, the Archdiocese said it will handle all abuse claims through the appropriate legal channels.

“I want him to understand it was wrong,” Jane said. “I want him to know what he did to me was wrong.”

NBC Bay Area’s ongoing investigation has focused primarily on new abuse claims against Catholic priests, but other lay church employees now face accusations as well.

“There are many that involve teachers, administrators, custodians, coaches, counselors,” said Michael Carney, Jane’s attorney.

Carney’s firm is currently representing more than 600 plaintiffs currently suing the Catholic church in California. Each case is different, he said, but the suffering is similar.

“What you see is this vicious cycle of trauma, after trauma, after trauma,” Carney said. “The common emotion that they all seem to feel is wanting to numb the pain. And that form of pain could come in the form of depression, anxiety, not trusting people, not being able to socialize and not being able to keep relationships. Whatever it may be, they’ve all suffered tremendous pain.”

Jane is no exception. She had a successful nursing career and raised two children by herself. But she suffered in silence for decades, she said, and tried numbing the pain in all the wrong ways.

“I turned to drugs, alcohol, a lot of promiscuity, addictive behavior, shopping, couldn’t keep a relationship,” Jane said. “My life has been a struggle since then.”

Now it’s a different kind of pain, physical pain, that Jane said is leading her to confront the past head on. 

Jane went into a coma last year after a procedure to deal with an issue in her spine, she said, and woke up several months later as a quadriplegic. 

“It caused me to evaluate my purpose here, evaluate my spirituality and what I’ve been through as a child,” Jane said.

She’s sober now and working towards walking again. She’s also been going through therapy and finding new purpose in speaking up for herself and the countless other victims she knows are out there.

“It’s taken me 50 years to figure out how to handle it,” Jane said. “I’m hoping that my voice can help others have a voice also.”