What qualifies as a personal superpower in today's world? Confidence. It lifts spirits, fuels resilience, drives learning and growth, and sparks accomplishment. People are drawn to those who project confidence. 

Unfortunately, we often broadcast the exact opposite, showing up as insecure without even realizing it. 

Not to worry. As a leadership and mental strength expert, I've taught people how to be more attuned to behaviors that make them seem insecure, and take steps to project confidence and achieve more success instead.

Here's a self-test: If you answer "yes" to the following questions, odds are someone is quietly (or not so quietly) judging you as insecure. Shift their perception by trying simple alternative approaches and changing the "yeses" to "nos." 

1. Do you often decide not to decide?

Delaying every decision puts off the people counting on you to make them so they can move forward and get on with their own stuff. It signals that you're worried to the point of paralysis about making the wrong call and smacks of insecurity. 

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If you're looking to move up quickly, this might hold you back: A 10-year study of CEOs pinpointed decisiveness as one the most important attributes that set fast-riser CEOs apart.  

What to do instead

Consider the risks and costs of not deciding. For example, delaying a decision to switch careers may feel safe and comfortable, but it can cost you precious time and money.

Set a deadline to prevent yourself from dragging it out. When the time comes, make the best choice you can with the data and insights you have at that moment and move on. 

2. Do you constantly seek approval from others?

The struggle for approval is a never-ending quest. Even if you can manage to secure it for a time, it's temporary, and before you know it, you're off to find approval yet again.

Approval-seeking behavior reads as insecurity and can be spotted a mile away by people who are looking for confident role models.

What to do instead

Constantly remind yourself to "seek authenticity, not approval." It will help you avoid people-pleasing and start trusting yourself. Which will result in more confident actions you and others can stand behind. 

I recited this very reminder to myself in my younger corporate days before disagreeing with a division president in a big meeting. I was respectful, but let go of any concerns about whether my boss would approve.

In this and other situations, the mantra helped me speak up, stay true to my values, and get ahead. 

3. Are you terrified of failure?

Fear of failure blocks action, dissuades discovery and growth, distorts reality, and creates inaccurate and unfounded narratives. It puts your unwillingness to take risks and be imperfect on display. 

What to do instead

There are actually only three ways to fail:

• When you quit
• When you don't improve
• When you never try

So reframe failure and remember that it's an event, not a person. In other words, it's something that inevitably happens to you and everyone else once in a while, but it's never who you are. 

4. Do you rarely push back on things you disagree with?

The most inept boss I ever had was afraid to push back on his chain of command. It made him look weak, like he didn't have his own opinion. Or if he did, he was too cowed to voice it. 

So he said "yes" to any request that came from above, even if we knew he disagreed with it, and that meant extra work and a lack of focus for our team.

What to do instead

Think of a disagreement as an exchange of ideas, not an argument you're trying to win. This removes the intimidation factor, makes the tone less combative, allows both sides to listen more openly, and boosts understanding and mutual respect. 

When disagreeing, avoid "you" statements, which can sound accusatory and make people defensive. Use "I" statements to share an opinion. 

For example, don't say, "You have it wrong with the approach you're taking — it's missing an important perspective." Instead try, "I'd love to share another perspective that could inform your approach." 

5. Do you avoid asking for help?

In our culture, we often strive for self-reliance above all else. But the truth is that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of wisdom. If you can never be vulnerable or admit you can't do everything alone, that ends up reading as insecurity.

What to do instead

Before you ask for help, do some prep. Be ready to share:

• What you've tried and why you think it didn't work
• Why you're turning to this particular person
• What you'll do with the help you're asking for
• How the help could lead to a mutual win 

Be specific with your ask. In one classic study, a group of participants asked passersby for money using statements like "Can you spare any change?" Others asked for very specific amounts, like "Can you spare 17 cents?" People approached with a specific ask were nearly 60% more likely to give money. 

When it's clear what help looks like, you're more likely to get it. So help people help you by telling them exactly what you need. 

Scott Mautz is a popular speaker, trainer, and LinkedIn Learning instructor. He's a former senior executive of Procter & Gamble, where he ran several of the company's largest multi-billion-dollar businesses. He is the author of "The Mentally Strong Leader: Build the Habits to Productively Regulate Your Emotions, Thoughts, and Behaviors." Follow him on LinkedIn.

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