Artist and educator Doug Weaver (and his wife Kirsten) want to support their son Finley in everything he does — like wearing pink, loving rainbows and painting his nails — even if that means taking heat from some of his classmates' parents.
"When Finley was in kindergarten, he loved rainbows and unicorns — because kindergarteners love rainbows and unicorns. I mean, why wouldn't you?" Weaver says to TODAY.com. But when Finley moved up to first grade, "there was a little bit of a shift."
When some of the kids in Finley's class started commenting on the way the 6-year-old dressed, Weaver knew he had to take action.
In a TikTok video, Weaver said, "As soon as my son started coming home from school with that messaging, when his peers started saying that he shouldn't wear pink and that unicorns were for girls, I added so much pink to my wardrobe. I 'pinkified' my life."
In addition to leading by example, Weaver painted his nails because his son liked to wear nail polish.
"If he goes to school with his nails painted, then the other kids' parents are going to be like, 'Hey, why do you let your kid paint their nails?'" he said in the video. "But if they see his nails painted and then they look at me and my nails are painted, then they're like, 'Oh, he's the problem, not the kid.'"
Though social media platforms often spark debate, the comments on the video are overwhelmingly positive:
- "Yes yes yes. My husband got his ears pierced with our daughter, wears pink, cooks and is an equal partner is domestic labor. We offer our sons the sparkles and spa days too."
- "My 6yo son has long hair and paints his nails because HE likes it. We live in Kentucky and it’s challenging for him to be himself. Even with family. This helps. Thank you."
- "Yes, and to add, I learned as much from my mom about manhood as I did my dad. Take heart ladies. Being a good man is, at its core, just being a good person, and that knows no gender boundaries."
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Growing up as "a theater kid" in a small Oregon town, Weaver, who now lives in St. Louis, Missouri, personally experienced the pressure to play certain "masculine" sports, wear "boy" colors or talk in a certain way. Luckily, Weaver was supported by his father, who also happened to be "a theater person," so Weaver says he welcomed having a son "who sings and dances and does art."
Weaver is, in turn, doing everything he can to support Finley, who is now 8. But sometimes striking a balance between encouragement and acceptance is tricky.
Weaver has noticed that although Finley likes painting his nails, he sometimes does it on a Friday night so most of the color will be faded by the time school starts on Monday. Though Weaver and his wife think that wearing nail polish to school may be "a fight worth having," they also know the decision to push against gender norms has to be Finley's.
"He has his own choice of how much he wants to go through, or how much anxiety he wants to have about it," Weaver says, noting that the "act of resistance" often has to be tempered with "self-preservation."
In the meantime, the Weavers try to expose Finley to a variety of people with all different backgrounds, viewpoints and preferences to show him the rainbow of choices he'll have as he grows.
Though he may have to field negative comments from time to time, Finley is doing just fine at school.
Even in his small class this year, "there are a few other kids who go against traditional gender norms," says Weaver, and "seeing those other kids in the classroom is comforting for him and helps him be more bold about his own decisions."
Finley's current classmates "know him and love him for who he is," Weaver adds. And so do his parents.
This story first appeared on TODAY.com. More from TODAY:
